The Unforeseen Circumstances of Blue and Steve
by Miraculous5
Summary: Blue and Steve answer some questions and create a few stranger ones. *~*Please tell me what you think!!*~*


Strange Days  
  
Intro music and cut to Steve. He is standing on a green hill with his faithful pooch, Blue. Behind them is a smoking crater and what looks suspiciously like the foundations of a house. Behind that is a flooded sandbox and a tree stump. Steve looks haggard, with large bags under his eyes.  
Steve: Oh, hello there. We don't really have a show for you today due to.... (He glances back at the smoking hole) ...unforeseen circumstances.  
Blue rolls her cute little eyes and takes out a cigarette.  
Blue: Unforeseen circumstances my little blue butt! We knew about the dangers all along just "somebody" didn't think...  
Steve glares at Blue  
Steve: Well, kids, as you can see, Blue here has got a few things to tell you. (singing) I think that my dog Blue  
Would like to tell you  
Before any more madness can ensue.  
I think that Blue  
Would like to tell you  
Before any more children can sue.  
Blue: Well, first of all, I hate how you have songs for everything?  
Steve: Me?  
Blue: Yes, you. Who else would I be talking to?  
Steve: Well, you know, the people who are constantly watching us. You know, sneaking in our house, recording our conversations...  
Blue: The government?  
Steve: No, the viewers. Now come on, before I have to explain it myself.  
Blue: Alright (takes a deep breath). I'm sure you children have always wondered why I'm, no pun intended, blue. Maybe some of you have even thought that dogs were supposed to be blue and have tried painting your own pets. This is a very bad thing. Painting animals is cruel.  
Steve: Shame on you, viewers.  
Blue: We just wanted to clear up any confusion over my origin. A long, long time ago, in a laboratory far, far away...  
The screen gets blurry and wiggly and goes into "flashback mode". Blue's voice narrates the scene.  
Blue: The government we all know and have come to be forced to love was trying to make create a new species of animal- part merchandizing ploy, part missile defense system.  
We see scientists hard at work mixing chemicals and doing scientific stuff. One scientist shoves a huggable stuffed animal into a test tube and then throws it against the wall. The test tube explodes and the other scientists cheer.  
Steve: They succeeded with Blue. The CIA planned to send clones of Blue and another missile defense stuffed animal prototype- dubbed Magenta, for obvious reasons- to enemy countries. The citizens of these countries would see the cute "toys" and hug them. Then kablooie.  
Cut to Saddam Hussein hugging a stuffed animal which looks an awful lot like Blue. He explodes.  
Blue: But the plan was sabotaged by the F.B.I, otherwise known as the terrorist group Friends of Beanies International. They protested the cruelty that the exploding Beanie Babie Blues would endure when the blew up.  
Steve: So the FBI got ahold of a Beanie Babie Blue and Magenta and made a few of their own alterations. They created a super smart dog, able to communicate and think more logically than most humans.  
Steve: Yeah, you guys have seen how Blue outsmarts me in almost every episode, that's not natural.  
Blue: Or maybe you're just stupid. Anyway, I've only kept quiet until now, you know, kept the talking to a minimum. Spoken only in those insipid barks, mumbles, and the occasional growl. I didn't want to attract to much attention to myself.  
Steve: You know, in case the scientists wanted her back.  
Blue: So anyway, the FBI then misdirected the shipment of normal, destructive Blues so that they ended up on the shelves of Toys R Us's right here in America.  
Steve: Which is a big problem, but the government can't confiscate them. There's too many.  
Blue: Right.... well that about sums it up. Oh, except for the... (she glances at the smoking crater) ...that. It was all Steve's fault.  
Steve: I didn't mean to hug her! Magenta came to visit, kids, and she... she just looked so cute! I hugged her and... (he breaks down and begins to sob)  
Blue: We made it out of the house just in time but Magenta, Tickity, Mrs. Salt and Mr. Pepper... they're all gone. All of them.  
Just then a screaming is heard and something falls out of the sky. It's Paprika. His top is loose and paprika scatters about when he hits the ground.  
Paprika: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
Steve: Oh my God! It's horrible!  
Blue: Oops.  
Paprika: Help! Somebody help! All of my internal organs they're... they're...  
Steve: Oh my God! It's horrible!  
Blue: Nobody sneeze!  
Paprika: Life... support...failing... Goodbye cruel world!  
Paprika promptly dies. Steve and Blue are silent a moment, pondering their condolences.  
Blue: Yeah, that reminds me, I'm getting hungry.  
Steve glances back at the smoking crater.  
Steve: I guess I pretty much destroyed our kitchen. Sorry.  
Blue: Oh well, we'll just have to make do with what we have.  
Steve and Blue glance at each other then look down at Paprika's corpse. They look back at each other to register that they're thinking the same thing and then Steve dips a finger, and Blue a paw, into Paprika's paprika.  
Steve: Hmm... this is pretty good.  
Blue: Yeah, except that he's past his expiration date.  
Steve and Blue look up at each other and laugh. They then turn to face what was once their house. The sun sets behind them and smoke curls in the evening's rays.  
Steve: You know, Blue, life's not so bad.  
Blue: It would be a lot better if you hadn't blown our house up.  
Steve: Ya well, you can't have everything. (he takes a deep breath and the camera pans around to see them framed against the hill) Well, viewers, thanks for helping us again today. I don't know where we'd be without you.  
Blue: PBS  
They both shudder.  
Steve: Well, goodbye everyone. Maybe next week will be even more exciting. Maybe I'll even change clothes.  
Blue: Or maybe not. Goodbye everyone!  
Chorus of unseen children: Bye!!!  
As Blue and Steve wave, the camera zooms out. We see a Swat car pull up and a helicopter fly over, black against the reddening sky. Men jump out of the car and run up the hill. Blue and Steve are running away, the Swat team close at their heels and the camera fades to black.  
  



End file.
